Shutterstock / Dean Drobot
I don’t know why I get women’s magazines delivered to my apartment. If I wanted to feel horrible about myself, I would just call my ex. When will these mags come up with new material? Here are 10 things they really need to stop writing about.
1) 7 Horrific Things Your Gyno Isn’t Telling You
Really? You’re going to give me seven different reasons I should be terrified of my own vagina? Let me guess: There’s some new strain of deadly bacteria that women are picking up in gym locker rooms, and the only vaccine that could potentially kill it carries a host of negative side effects, including bleeding, swelling, hangnails, split ends, and death.
I already worry every day that my vagina isn’t pretty enough. Please don’t exacerbate this further.
2) 40 Foods You’re Eating That Are Making Your Thighs Even Fatter
It’s so simple…
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